These chapters have brought me so much relief and encouragement. I was beginning to think that God would never answer God, and that he would never answer me either. I have been (and still am) struggling with the fact that I don’t feel “on fire” for God. I know that he is real and I believe in him, I just don’t feel like he’s there. I see so many people around me who are so close to God and are so excited to do anything he says. Like Job, all I see is trials and emptiness in my life. I don’t feel God and I don’t hear from him. I pray and pray for so long and so hard for him to speak to me and to make me on fire for him. And I wait and wait for him to answer me, to speak, and show up in my life. I go to him expecting something but all I receive is the empty silence of my waiting. I was getting discouraged, and seeing how much Job went through made it even harder to keep on waiting. Then I read this chapter. It made me so hopeful. I know God is in charge of everything. He is waiting for the right time to speak to me, just like he waits to command the skies to rain and snow. I don’t have to feel God in my life to understand that he is real. I believe in him, and my feeling s can deceive me. All I need to do is trust that he is alive and working in me and when the time is right he will tell me all I need to know. These chapters have shown me that through everything, god is present, I realize now that all along he was trying to speak to me. He was trying to tell me that I just needed to trust him. Today at church we were worshipping and for the first time, I just broke down. The feeling of loneliness and abandon were just too much, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was tired of feeling worthless and alone, so I just asked God to forgive me for not listening closely enough. I asked for his healing and for his comfort, and immediately felt lighter. The book of Job has shown me that I need to trust in God, even if it may be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
Prayer: Thank you Lord, for showing me the areas in my life that I need to improve. Thank you for being patient with me. I ask still for your patience, because I am still learning. I ask, Lord, that you continue to help me learn and deepen my relationship. Help me to be “real” and help me to open my heart and be needy. I ask for blessing over my life. Make me feel your presence and make me into a person you would be proud of. Make me into a witness for your kingdom. Thank you lord for everything that you have given me. Help me to use it to bless and serve you. I ask for your guidance in my life.
You might be interested in this online commentary “Putting God on Trial: The Biblical Book of Job” (http://www.bookofjob.org) as supplementary or background material for your study of the Book of Job. It is not a sin to question God, to demand answers from God. There is a time and a place for such things. It is written by a Canadian criminal defense lawyer, now a Crown prosecutor, and it explores the legal and moral dynamics of the Book of Job with particular emphasis on the distinction between causal responsibility and moral blameworthiness embedded in Job’s Oath of Innocence. It is highly praised by Job scholars (Clines, Janzen, Habel) and the Review of Biblical Literature, all of whose reviews are on the website. The author is an evangelical Christian, denominationally Anglican. He is also the Canadian Director for the Mortimer J. Adler Centre for the Study of the Great Ideas, a Chicago-based think tank.
Maddy, what a powerful post. Straight from the heart. “but all I receive is the empty silence of my waiting” that is a line worth remembering. I feel as though he is there, more quiet than silence, waiting for me to become still enough to hear. I’m so glad you didn’t stop with Job otherwise I wouldn’t have had the chance to read this post. We only have a few more to go. I have the book “Putting God on Trial” by Robert Sutherland. Once we get done with our own first reactions to Job I intend to read it.