These chapters have brought me so much relief and encouragement. I was beginning to think that God would never answer God, and that he would never answer me either. I have been (and still am) struggling with the fact that I don’t feel “on fire” for God. I know that he is real and I believe in him, I just don’t feel like he’s there. I see so many people around me who are so close to God and are so excited to do anything he says. Like Job, all I see is trials and emptiness in my life. I don’t feel God and I don’t hear from him. I pray and pray for so long and so hard for him to speak to me and to make me on fire for him. And I wait and wait for him to answer me, to speak, and show up in my life. I go to him expecting something but all I receive is the empty silence of my waiting. I was getting discouraged, and seeing how much Job went through made it even harder to keep on waiting. Then I read this chapter. It made me so hopeful. I know God is in charge of everything. He is waiting for the right time to speak to me, just like he waits to command the skies to rain and snow. I don’t have to feel God in my life to understand that he is real. I believe in him, and my feeling s can deceive me. All I need to do is trust that he is alive and working in me and when the time is right he will tell me all I need to know. These chapters have shown me that through everything, god is present, I realize now that all along he was trying to speak to me. He was trying to tell me that I just needed to trust him. Today at church we were worshipping and for the first time, I just broke down. The feeling of loneliness and abandon were just too much, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was tired of feeling worthless and alone, so I just asked God to forgive me for not listening closely enough. I asked for his healing and for his comfort, and immediately felt lighter. The book of Job has shown me that I need to trust in God, even if it may be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
Prayer: Thank you Lord, for showing me the areas in my life that I need to improve. Thank you for being patient with me. I ask still for your patience, because I am still learning. I ask, Lord, that you continue to help me learn and deepen my relationship. Help me to be “real” and help me to open my heart and be needy. I ask for blessing over my life. Make me feel your presence and make me into a person you would be proud of. Make me into a witness for your kingdom. Thank you lord for everything that you have given me. Help me to use it to bless and serve you. I ask for your guidance in my life.
